Am I a Good Mom?

I have been asking myself this question lately. Sometimes I'm pretty comfortable and confident in saying yes, I am a good mom. At least a lot better than some other moms. But other times, I'm not so sure. Plenty of reasons why I've been doubting my "mommyhood performance". One of them is because I've been working harder and harder lately, with more late nights than ever. Can I help it? Perhaps not. Better time management is not the answer either. For the past few months, I have been spending a lot less time doing non work-related stuff both online or offline, like reading a book or blog hopping. I have never been so preoccupied with work. Even when I am not at the office or in front of my laptop, I am constantly thinking about work, my mind can not seem to stop. It's probably a phase I have to go through, we are at a sort of turning point in our company where every decision seems to be a major one which can affect the the future of our business. So it's perhaps unavoidable to be spending so much time at work and consequently, I have very little time for other things. My life is all about work and Aluf.

Do I feel guilty though? Yes, of course. I usually don't give in to the thought too often when I'm at the office, but when I finally park my car in front of the house, step into the dark and quiet living room for the 3rd or 4th time that week and I know Aluf is already sleeping soundly in our room, I'm always hit with a pang of incredible guilt. I hate having to miss our night time ritual. I love reading to her before bed and love how immediately after, she'd ask me to tell her a story from my childhood. I love how she snuggles up to me afterwards, her little face looking so content and I love watching her finally dozing off and her lips are still smiling. It pains me having to miss that but I know deep in my heart that if I want to reach the goals that I've set up for myself and my family, I have to do this. I just hope she'll understand it when she's old enough.

Alive & Kicking

My poor blog has been abandoned for more than 2 months. I meant to write more via my BlackBerry but it is such a hassle to type on that little thing. I'm starting to regret buying it even though I realized I did it because it was the cheapest model and I was only going to use it for the messenger service. Silly reason but everyone I know, friends, family, co-workers, clients- are on BlackBerry so if I could make my life, and theirs, easier by being easily reachable, it's worth it.

Rambling.

Just got back from London last week. It was one of the most memorable trips I've ever taken and I have a feeling that I haven't even seen the real impact of it yet to my life and my business. So many stories, but I don't have the energy to write about them now. I haven't been sleeping right this past week. I must try to get some rest tonight as tomorrow will be another long day for me. So what's the point of this post you ask? Only to make myself feel better that I've written something here.

Oh, and photos.

The last 2 photos were taken by my infinitely talented friend, Joe Nattapol Suphawong.

Supermarket

I think Aluf has reached a stage where she can say the most embarassing thing at the most 'unfortunate' time.

Yesterday we were at the cheese section in Hero Kemang. There was a lady standing nearby, looking intently at the cheese. Aluf suddenly said "Liat ma! Kejunya banyak banget ya. Kayak tikus aja makan keju, hahaha!"

When I tried to drag her away, she let go of my hand, picked up a cheese, sniffed it and said loudly:

"Yuck, bau KING KONG!!"
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Sinyal Bagus XL, Nyambung Teruuusss...!

Aluf Goes to School

I have imagined what it was going to be like at Aluf's first day at school for the longest time. I could still remember vividly my own first day at school. In Kindergarten in 198...ok nevermind, that was a long time ago :D The point is I remember clearly holding my mother's hand at the school yard, watching other kids running around making noises. I also remember feeling rather nervous but excited.

I certainly hope Aluf's first day was just as memorable. I've been putting off getting her into a school because I don't see the benefit of starting too early. I feel like now is the right time. She's getting more and more curious and has been showing interests in a lot of things like language (English specifically), drawing, writing and math. It's clear that now is the right time for me to offer other activities, more structured ones, than what she has been doing at home. As it happens, we found a school that we really like. It's called Bumi Bambini and it's located nearby, about 10 minutes drive from my house. I love the lush, green surrounding of the school, how friendly the teachers are and how independent the children there seem to me. I've written a review on it in Mommies Daily, feel free to check it out if you're keen.

Anyway, Aluf went to school for the first time last Monday, on July 18. I woke up at 6 am to prepare her stuff and made some bread pudding for her snack, with extra raisins that she loves so much. She woke up and had breakfast and seemed so excited to get ready for school. She donned the bright orange t-shirt that the school gave, wore matching hat, a pair of jeans and a new pair of shoes that her Uti bought specially for this day. We asked her to pose for the camera on our front porch and she did so happily while asking repeatedly "Aku keren nggak ma?" :D

Winning IYCE 2011!

I think everyone enters a competition with wining as the ultimate goal. Even if you tell yourself otherwise, even just a little, you want to come out at the end of it as the champion. I was no exception. I entered IYCE 2011 to win. I took my time preparing my application form and my presentation carefully to wow the judges. I wanted to make sure I did my best to ensure my chance of winning, regardless of the outcome.

But as I entered the final judging last week, the 4 days "karantina", I felt that my goal had somehow shifted. Not because I didn't want to win the competition anymore, but more because being a finalist and getting the chance to go through the activities somehow already felt like the prize. Like I said in earlier post, I met so many new people whose creativity and passion amazed me. Being surrounded by them was already an inspiring and humbling experience and I began to think, it didn't matter anymore whether I won or not. I also learned so much from those 4 days, whether from the visits, workshops, talks or just from the interactions I had with other finalists and speakers, I knew that when I came out of the series of activities, I already gained so much more for myself and the company and my newfound drive, even stronger than the one I had before, made me feel impatient to go back to work and started implementing everything I had learned.

Anyways, those 4 days went by very quickly. Everyday, we started our activities at around 7.30 in the morning and it didn't end until 9 or 10 in the evening, with very short breaks in between. And every night, when I returned to my hotel room, I immediately began to work on my presentation, usually lasted till about 2 in the morning.

Day 4, where we had to face the team of jury for our presentation and final judging, was even more grueling, even more so because I had to do it twice, for Fashion sector first, and Interactive the second. Even though I had prepared for it as much as I could, I was still taken aback of how tough the jury were especially for Fashion :D I had the 'honor' to go first and of course the jury were still feeling fresh and more than ready to test how far we know about our business and our vision of it. I really had to squeeze my brain to try to answer all of their questions, while at the same time maintaining my good English grammar and composure :D I didn't blabber nonsensical stuff, I guess you could say I did okay. But I walked out of the judging room feeling almost sure I wouldn't win the Fashion sector :D I also remember thinking "So this is how the MasterChef contestants feel after getting butchered at the judging table." Okay, maybe I was exaggerating a little but honestly, it was that tough.

When I did my presentation for Interactive sector, around 1.30 PM that day, I was calmer and more prepared. I guess the first presentation helped me to anticipate what was coming. And to make things easier, I knew 2 people of the 3 jury and they were all being quite nice to me. They asked some tough questions too of course, but they were questions I expected would be asked, so I was more ready with the answers. I also managed to gain so much valuable input for all 3 of them, which I felt truly thankful of.

I stepped out of the last judging room feeling very relieved and light. Whatever the outcome, I felt good knowing that I gave it my best shot.

IYCE Day 2

So here I am, day 2 of IYCE 2011 final judging. In just two days, there have been so many experiences, so many people I have met that I don’t quite know what to say yet. It’s overwhelming but also inspiring to be in a setting where you are surrounded by some truly creative minds. I now understand completely what British Council meant when they wrote “Let your mind be like a dry sponge, ready to absorb everything” in the briefing. It’s true. I want to talk to each one of these people and pick their brains, if only I have the chance to do it.

IYCE and The Lazy Song

This is one of those posts where I don't know what to begin it with. I don't even know what title I should put, though I most likely will find something later. There are so much going on and it's starting to overwhelm me. I guess the point of me writing this is to get all these stuff out of my mind. Then maybe I'll have some space for other things.

A cool thing happened to me last week. I was shortlisted as a finalist for International Young Creative Entrepreneur 2011 in both Interactive and Fashion sectors. I was excited but also scared. They give me less than 2 weeks to come up with a presentation, which will be used by the jury to decide whether or not I'm the right person to represent Indonesia to the competition in London. And because I'm a finalist in 2 sectors, I have to submit 2 presentations.

10 days may seem like a lot of time, if you're not doing about a gazillion other things. Which I am. And it's not just regular stuff at work, several projects are going on at the same time. And sometimes in life, you can plan all you want, there are still a lot of things that are out of your control and they can fall apart right before your eyes. And you don't really have any choice but to pick up the pieces and try putting them back together again. Because, who else would?