Saturday, March 3, 2012

3.58 am

It's a bad sign to be woken up from sleep by your own thoughts. I wish I could get them sorted out, have them resolved soon. But I'm afraid, it will take some time.

I might have to move out soon and this bothers me the most. I don't hate change, but moving means it will disrupt peace and stability in my life and Aluf's. The latter of course is what kills me. Moving out also means she might have to change schools too. This won't be easy. She loves her school. I love her school. We love the place, her teachers, her friends. Where will we go and will she like it as much there?

I dropped her off this morning and saw her classmates playing on the front yard. The teachers gave each of them a ribbon tied on a stick and they all ran around swinging those colorful ribbons up and down. I sat there and watched them from my car for a few minutes because it made me smile. Laughter. Colors. Innocence. I need more of them in my life.

Decisions get harder and harder as you get older. The process is not as clear cut as it used to be, the options you have to weigh in are becoming more complex. And sometimes, no matter what your decision is, it's still going to be painful. You just have to decide which hurts less.

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